Being the Storm

Nov. 24/03 - Essay #3

Centered in myself, in the eye of Spirit's Storm, I see the actions of the world and how I interact and interrelate with it all. As my emotions activate, tossing a piece of myself from the chaotic process of my life into the center of stillness that is my being, I rise to find the crystal clarity of awareness to recognize the illusions that produces the fear within this process of life. Gaining strength in the center of stillness I become more of the 'I am' of Spirit.

From a childhood of powerlessness and neglect, I rise internally to meet my own needs. Where I could not understand or interact with others, I gained the direction to understand myself. Where I could not communicate my feelings and needs because they were not heard, Spirit flourished. Feeling alone and worthless within my family, Spirit in nature became my companion. Like Jung, I was " mistrustful, remote from the world of [people], but close to nature, the earth, the sun, the moon, the weather, all living creatures, and above all close to the night, to dreams, and to whatever 'God' worked directly in (me)" (Rosen, 28). A purpose and drive took hold of me to experience Spirit within every possible dimension of my being, and to use Spirit as the center of the chaos and the powerlessness I felt around other people. Slowly, I stood within Spirit in the center of the Storm.

Storms fascinated me as a child. The moment of destruction and creation constantly transformed the landscape around me and became my analogy of life. George Kelly, in his personal construct psychology, recognizes that our conceptual "constructions of the world determine our experiences of the world" (Fadiman, 384). Storm is my personal construct that accepts both the stillness and the chaos that is within me and allows me to freely accept change in my life.

Earth is solid, grounding, and easily torn away in a Storm. The centeredness of having a home base, the schoolhouse in Bobcaygeon, was torn away from me when my mother moved our family out west. My home base was totally eliminated after Nana died and Mom sold it. I had no physical ground from that moment on.

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Storms are constantly moving, constantly shifting, and always out of human control. By attaching Storm to Spirit, I have found a way to transform my hopelessness, my loneliness, and the powerlessness of my childhood into an understandable path of self-actualization and full of personal purpose within the matrix of life. Erikson's third stage of Psychosocial Development speaks of the development of the sense of purpose as "the vital virtue" of this early stage in life that allows one to form and work towards future goals with "courage… uninhibited by the defeat of infantile fantasies, by guilt and by the foiling fear of punishment"(Wulff, 377). By recognizing Storm, I gain awareness of the chaotic constancy of change. If I grasp at a part of my life to 'damn' it to remain the same, I ride the roller coaster ride on the periphery of the Storm, getting bruised and banged around by the processes out of my control. Instead of grasping I am learning to relinquish to the unity found within duality – my calm center within the Storm of life. Seeing clearly from the center of my beingness in communion with Spirit, I can see through the illusions of chaos and see the interconnectedness of all phenomena and how my mental views of it, as well as my judgments, transforms the reality of it.

Spirals found within Storm's energy help me follow my own personal cycles in my body, my mind, my emotions, and in my spirit. By seeing the macro organism of Storm, I can more deeply understand the micro organism that is "I" and understand the cyclical processes within my own life. From Bohm's theory of the holographic Universe's enfolding order and unfolding realities (Talbot, 46) I begin to see and experience my life and my connection more fully. Standing strong within the knowledge of my own personal meaning, I am less likely to be whipped too and fro within the Storm's path. If I am off-centered and find myself in the chaos, my internal knowledge reminds me of the processes leading my life back to myself. I become more fully accepting and accountable for myself and the concepts of the world I live in.

The center of the Storm is calm within the balance between my polar judgments of good/bad, right/wrong, and light/dark. Slowly as these judgments lift I am able to take more of my life within the boundaries of my sacred space of stillness. The process of my life reflects the stillness within myself and casts the Storm's boundaries further from my deep spiritual center. 'I Am' meets 'Who I believe I Am' more fully and more harmoniously, without the clash of unconscious reactions and interpretations to and of the world around me.

Can I walk within Spirit's Storm for me? Trusting outside myself is hard and has proven painful if I attach my trust to humankind. Yet, sensing and knowing my own inner spiritual core that sits solid and centered within me allows me to trust that Spirit is also working similarly in other people's lives. I begin to more fully trust Spirit working through other people and I learn to release my expectations of the human beings themselves using this clarity:

Clarity is the perception of wisdom. It is seeing with wisdom. It is being able to perceive and understand the illusion, and to let it play. It is being able to see beyond the activities of the personality to the force of the immortal soul (Zukav, 228).

 

Detachment from taking things personally is still a challenge, but I simply recall how I have acted inappropriately out of fear and how I have found acceptance through claiming ownership of my own strengths and weaknesses. Storm reminds me of the strong definable characteristics of centeredness surrounded by the clutter and frenzied activities where the elements combine with each other. Wind controls the velocity and direction of Storm and reminds me to be grateful for the long, slow breaths of life that helps me retain my centeredness, moves me through the feelings of my weaknesses that strengthens my core foundation of being in a body and at-one with the world around me. Being at-tuned allows me to flow through my processes and reclaim my own heritage from within rather than from the world.

Wind mixes well with water and helps me reach deep into the childlike essence of my adult self and allows me to nurture the memories I carry of childhood and transmute the trapped energy of unmet needs and disappointments into flowing energy that I can use to meet my contemporary demands and future goals. To unlock the past brings a feeling of ownership in the present and a solid foundation to build a future on. Because of a moment's action, time becomes more cyclical and accountable rather than linearly lost to the past.

Being centered allows me to connect to the motivations and the warmth of Spirit's fire. Warmed by love for myself, I can spread the fire of Spirit from the starting point of self-love to a blazing fire for all of humanity and the world. My desires, motivations and goals become fueled by the internal passion for life as I live to express Spirit more fully on this earth's plane of existence and beyond. Centered in Storm I can identify clearly my own ambitions for me, rather than the social roles delegated to me; I can transform my world from within and become an example of stillness. Living in the center of Storm, I can view the Storm of my own creation, bringing the Light of awareness, the expansiveness of acceptance, the solidity of accountability, and the fire of action to my actualization process and to those who I touch by example.

Others may look at a Storm and only see the chaotic, highly energized, frenzy and not understand the view from the Eye. To me, Storm is about the complementary, dualistic aspects of life that provides the diversity and uniqueness of life's experiences. These may be chaotic from a controller's viewpoint, but are essential for the unfoldment of freedom, response-ability and the beauty of life. The shadow highlights and can define the light that is cast from the flame of a candle and a dying snowflake wets my lips and quenches my thirst. The flexibility of a willow can only be seen when the wind is strong and attempts to break it. I breathe my ancestor's air into my nostrils and know that my children's children will breathe the same breath. For every parting, Storm swirls through to create a new beginning, without separating the spiritual connection that makes each of us interdependent. Every kiss, every laugh, every tear and every word of encouragement or despair is swirled into Spirit's Storm to cascade into the world of my making. As I stay centered, experiencing what comes my way from within or from without, I then add to the matrix from my centered view of Spirit manifesting itself in my life and the lives of others. I allow myself to follow my purpose and live within my own personal power. As Caroline Myss expresses:

We have within us a relentless congenital desire to explore our own creative abilities, to develop our individual power and authority. This desire is the impetus behind our striving to become conscious. The universal human journey is one of becoming conscious of our power and how to use that power (110).

 

 

References

 

Fadiman, James, and Frager, Robert. Personality and Personal Growth, 5^th Ed. New

Jersey; Prentice Hall. 2002.

Myss, Caroline, PhD. Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing.

New York; Three Rivers Press. (1996).

Rosen, David, MD. The Tao of Jung: The Way of Integrity. New York; Penguin Group

(1997).

Talbot, Michael. The Holographic Universe. New York; Harper Collins. (1991).

Wulff, David M., Psychology of Religion; Classic and Contemporary, 2^nd Ed. New York;

Wiley. 1997.

Zukav, Gary. The Seat of the Soul. New York; Fireside. (1990).